星期六, 11月 01, 2008

家教三則

教BB

跟眾友小聚,四周餐廳人滿為患,最後揀了人較少的馬來餐廳。

一席晚飯吃得心煩氣燥,鄰桌一家八口(可能是兩家),包括有幼童兩名,初中女生一位,幼童約兩至三歲,未懂說話,但懂得大聲尖叫引人注意。

朋友最終忍不住:「你地可唔可以叫個BB 靜少少呀?」

對台師奶:「點樣靜少少呀?佢BB黎架,唔識性!」

氣氛如在油缸丟下燃燒彈,兩台人旋即爆發罵戰;大家族人數佔優,說話較大聲而且粗口頗多,師奶媽及老粗爸更不時拍台助威。

未幾經理出場調停,首先嘗試勸止聲浪較大的大家族,不果。再轉向黑人這台,先講客套話,再恐嚇繼續落去會交由警方處理。

黑人幾乎全台都是製作人班底,不怕嚇,立刻鼓勵經理報警。

於是經理又很無奈的轉向大家族調停:「對面後生仔女,你地咪由佢囉。」同樣不果。

再對罵一輪,黑人及眾友均感到浪費時間心力,埋單走人。

黑人當時想起米搞兄某段留言,大意是父母不能因為BB嘈而失去搭飛機的權利 (希望沒記錯,如米搞兄看到煩請補完吧!謝謝。)

如果黑人不是當事人之一,見到這類情況都會說:「忍下囉,無計啦。」

如果忍無可忍,是否也不應向鄰桌表示不滿呢?

事實上,該幼童也不是完全「無性」。據黑人觀察,幼童很清楚大聲尖叫就會有人注意和餵食,每次尖叫,老粗爸就會以食物獎勵。黑人雖未曾為人父母,但即使訓練貓狗也是靠餵食作為鼓勵。BB或未懂是非,這方面的本能應不比貓狗差。

以前在酒樓亦見過好些家長會將太吵的嬰兒暫時抱出外逛逛,或者喝止幼童「唔準嘈」,雖然幼童未必聽得懂,但大概明白身體語言和語氣吧?再退一步,就使管束不了,以上動作至少在告訴其他人:不好意思,我們已儘了力。

(各位為人父母的看倌,你們又會怎樣想?)

粗口

大家族當然沒有不好意思,火拼到後期,老粗爸先爆一句鵰狸鸕鵡,接後燒你數簿湊西更不絕於耳,而且主要出自那位初中女生之口。(黑人這邊都有朋友爆粗)

引發黑人思考問題之二:到底這家人的家教是成功還是失敗呢?黑人相信較開明的家長都會默許子女對粗口有一定認識,但不容許子女在家庭場合講粗口,因為講粗口在正常社交場合都是失分的行為。

不過,發惡講粗口某程度是一種survival skill,例如在上述面對衝突的處境,識得發爛渣爆粗的一方,較斯斯文文的鵪春佔優。

到底大家族教出來的初中女生是個明日survivalist,還是無儀態無家教的敗類呢?如果能收放自如,黑人相信是前者,可惜當晚只能見到她的「放」,平日能否收斂卻不得而知了。

又,如果黑人作為家長,應該為自己個女連珠爆粗感到自豪,抑或流冷汗呢?如果自己先忍不住爆粗,又如何呢?

電影評論員

事後,又想起看「黑夜之神」當晚,身後有一對母子深受劇力感染,不停口地當電影評述員。
「咁多個小丑既?」
「真果個未出黎呀。」
「嘩佢射左支叉去對面棟樓呀。」
「拿佢宜家飛緊過去。」
「佢襟果d制做緊乜呀?」
「拆緊銀行個警鐘囉。」

母子透過問與答,將全套戲scene by scene 覆述一次。

身旁觀眾皆怕事,一直無人敢出聲,終於黑人忍不住,轉身怒喝:「靜d啦你地!得唔得?」

接下來母子確實稍為靜了一會。隔了約半小時,母聽到附近有其他觀眾竊語,又放膽繼續當評述員,不過由每scene 覆述,改為將3-4 個scene 總括一次。

事後黑人不禁想,該名死小孩日後看電影,大概也會依照母親身教,全場當評述員。

而那位家長本身大概沒有公德心的概念,更加沒有自我檢討的能力。

見微知著,看電影尚且如此,小孩日後出去社會做事會變成怎樣,不須花太多氣力也想像得到。

憑有限的學校教育,自然不能改善甚麼,家長和學生是客戶,老師沒時間罰,也不敢罰。

(是否因為這個主因,我們的教育改革總是失敗?)


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坦白說,黑人日後真的不敢生兒育女,因為自己缺陷太多,不懂教。

9 則留言:

Yun 說...

深。有。同。感。呀。

唉!!!!!!

米都話唔搞咯 說...

嗱,就咁,我都只係為人父母半年左右啫,所以我講既一定唔可以代表其他人...

>大意是父母不能因為BB嘈而失去搭飛機的權利

我果次其實係問緊一個道德問題,係當兩邊都有理,但又無可避免既時候,究竟有冇辦法解決?

其實你响文中已經有答案...就係,如果嗰家人有為其他人著想,係可以抱個BB出去行吓咁,又或者係會做一啲補救方法去clam down 個bb...雖然唔一定成功,但起碼你枱人都會順氣啲,而唔係好似嗰家人咁話「bb係咁架啦」

>可惜當晚只能見到她的「放」,平日能否收斂卻不得而知了

咁你應該攞佢電話,約佢日後見吓面咪知囉 :)

講粗口是否不妥,我認為全在於你究竟有没有「我正在講粗口」的自覺,即是,如果你是有意識的用講粗口去逹到你既定既目的,咁就冇問題(至於你既既定目的係咪正確,已經係另一個問題)

>而那位家長本身大概沒有公德心的概念

想冇呢啲騷擾,好簡單,你去有咁貴得咁貴既戲院,一定少啲呢啲人,因為佢地既價值觀,一定係「睇戲梗係越平越好...咪又係嗰套戲」

凱恩 說...

>坦白說,黑人日後真的不敢生兒育女,因為自己缺陷太多,不懂教。

搵個識教既老婆咪得囉。

----------------------------

餐廳果度,可能壓住你d朋友,息事寧人係最好既方法。如果開始爭執之時已經知道對方不可能妥協,越嘈落去只會令大家越掃興,而且BB仔對聲音敏感,無助於佢停止吵鬧,你同你d朋友又因此成為滋擾其他客人既幫兇,好唔抵。

馬後炮完畢。其實我都想知道自己係當事人既話會點做。或者係怕事走佬掛~

C.M. 說...

小弟又答爹。

聽過另一個故事,好似話某對西人夫婦,有日個bb響飛機艙「容許」佢地個bb周圍爬,不加以管束,連空姐都無符。

無論呢對夫婦係咪認為呢種係採取「放任主義」或「自由主義」所以有此做法,我都認為呢種類做法只係藉口。原因並唔係源於文化(或咩公德心),而係源於監護責任。

我意思係,若果父母話其他人唔可以制止佢地個行為(例如話:如果唔係個細路有咩事你孭),咁唔通又可以話,個細路整爛其他人野,要個o靚仔孭曬?

同理,若果個細路(esp. those under guardianship)對其他人做成困擾,其實父母需要負上監護責任。

不過,又,年紀太細而就算父母點盡力去處理都搞唔掂既,其他人都應該比d allowance既。

********

至於果班粗口家庭呢,我睇就算點出聲都係sai氣。況且,兩三歲點會仲係bb?

又,就算個bb真係唔識表達(esp. under 2歲),我覺得表示不滿又唔係問題播。不過你今次只係明剃佢眼眉,話佢地唔識教,落佢地面囉。

以自己作父母為例,若果阿仔(三個月)大庭廣眾嘈喧巴閉,除左因為公眾壓力之外,亦唔想影響他人,但都希望係某d情況人地會加以體諒,例如搭緊巴士(走唔甩)。你估自己個bb嘈自己又會安心咩。(或者因為咁,所以會覺得唔理自己仔女安全既家長,都會唔安樂,因此會對於放任父母會皺眉。又,雖則,我自己周不時都等阿Da 自己去explore, 去take risk,hehe,都有d雙重標準架)

**********

至於個爆粗女生,嘿,若果我係老豆,我就肯定標冷汗勒,因為一係反映左我唔識用腦,二係反映左我連個女係咩人都唔識,愧為人父呀。

**********

不過又,果對戲院母子呢,若果個仔大約五六歲既話,咁呢個年紀真係好Q多野問個播,而且噤都噤唔住,某d情況又唔怪得曬。怪只好怪個阿媽,知道(或唔知道)個仔咁細,都帶佢睇d咁深既戲,而唔係帶佢去睇Disney卡通片。

**********

拿,老實講,若果只係驚會影響他人,而唔生,似乎呢個理由...。

Snowdrops 說...
此留言已被作者移除。
Snowdrops 說...

Hmmm, my family had experienced similar situations when my little brother was very young. He was a very noisy baby and often threw tantrums in public screaming at the top of his lungs, which took my parents and us older siblings completely by surprise, as my little sister, who was born a few years before him, was quite a model baby when she was little.

My parents' instinctive reaction initially was to try to "bribe" him, by saying for example "if you behave then I'll get you a toy or ice-cream afterwards", etc. This tactic was completely frowned upon by me and my other brother, as it completely sends the wrong signal to the my little brother (scream and your parents will bribe you with things you want), but also extremely unfair to my little sister (behave and you won't get as much toys as your little brother).

Anyway, the tactic didn't quite work (not only was my brother no longer satisfied with the mere promise of an ice-cream anymore, but my parents also experienced bribing fatique). So then my Dad completely changed tack, and when my little brother threw a tantrum in public he would give him a warning in a very scary low tone, and when my little brother persisted my Dad would then unceremoniously carry or haul him outside or to the toilets for a talking-to.

However, unfortunately this tactic in itself often created an ugly scene as well, especially when my little brother wouldn't relent. There was an element of force involved to take a recalcitrant and feisty little kid outside and my mum often says that it made us look even worse than if my dad had simply let him go. (My own discomfort with this is simply the use of force, which also sends the wrong message.) But of course, doing nothing was not an option either.

However, through a combination of parental discipline (both the verbal, and unfortunately, the physical kind) and sibling persuasion (my little brother does look up to his big brother and he listens to me also), over time my brother did learn to behave himself in public. Nowadays he would sulk instead if things are not done according to his way, but at least he understands that he would get even less of what he wants if he creates a scene, and he's now able to verbalise and ask in words for what he wants, and even begin to use rational arguments in persuading us of his cause, as opposed to merely throwing a tantrum.

But it IS a very long process and it took a long time for the whole family to get involved to get to where we are. (I shall never forget the scene he created on a plane where my mum was so embarrassed that she asked to switch seats with me!). I think if you see parents at least trying to contain their kids' behaviours, then please try to give them some slack. It really is a tough, tough job.

Snowdrops 說...

Oh to clarify also, my parents also tried not bringing my little brother to public places when he was little (in fact they used this as a threat to try to get him to behave also, as in, "next time you wouldn't be going out with us but have to stay home with your baby-sitter"). We wouldn't dream of bringing an unruly little kid to a place that don't really suit families to begin with.

Duck 說...

那一天,我只是看到了平時最多口話自已最串最惡的外國製作人和說自已辮解能力的貓全部都靜晒.....
可以在突發事件中看得出誰冷靜誰怕事..

黑人 說...

> 雲妹子

你在現場的話,可能會嬲到啞左都似

> 米搞

唔鬼約喇,果個女仔把口臭串個樣難睇,大左唔慌有男仔

> 凱恩

我明你想講乜,當晚食完飯朋友等的士,等左半個鐘先有車,突然衝左兩個鬼佬出來打尖,照計應該都忍左佢,費事惹佢啦,節外生枝搞到自己唔開心都好唔抵,結果我朋友截停佢地,又叫途人仗義相助,最後差佬都黎埋,果兩個鬼佬被逼落車走人。

遇上不合理的情況,唔同人有唔同取態。

> CM

最福佳就係呢d 父母,個小朋友四圍爬,佢整親就入你數,你鬧佢又入你數,果兩公婆好似痾完隻蛋就唔駛教既。

另外,戲院果單野,個男仔應該讀緊中學架喇。因為我回頭望左佢地好多次。

唔生BB唔係怕影響到人,而係最怕唔識教,養左隻小怪獸出來。宜家大把父母自己都無家教,養果隻小朋友仲衰多兩錢。記得某豪宅阿媽教仔:「拿Adrian 你要努力讀書(指住老看更),唔係大左就好似佢咁慘。」

我覺得d 小朋友唔識尊重人,就係呢個時候教出來既。

> Snowdrop

謝謝你咁長的留言,如果個BB父母有嘗試管束,我都唔會出聲,甚至會幫手勸個朋友唔好鬧佢地,大家都唔係唔講道理,只不過個BB嘈,唔好當身邊的人奉左旨要忍,體諒≠奉旨

right and grace are two different things!

> duck

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