星期四, 11月 26, 2009

City Super 物品目錄 (上)



記得多年前拿過一本City Super的小冊子參考,完全感受到切雞師及客戶服務員的痛苦,入面密密麻麻的字、密密麻麻的大堆頭圖片,每頁都在刺激小弟的想像力,幻想電腦前的切雞佬收到call要加字的感受:「屌,咁L多字邊L度有位擺呀?」

「拿,你將d字縮扁80%,字距-100,再揀隻narrow字就得架喇,個客咁煩搞掂咪算囉,理鬼得佢靚唔靚,出左片做output話知佢食屎啦!」

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2009年的聖誕禮品目錄,排版明顯沒有上述問題,可是依然不是一本令人看到愉快的購物指南,客戶和designer都想交行貨,快快收工過聖誕,大家都不太想「節外生枝」。

先看看購物指南的前言,到底個short manager係「打好呢份(牛)工」,抑或是有心搞好呢間舖的人,字裡行間完全看得出來。

原文 (不須細看)

Christmas is an opportunity for love and sharing, a festival full of joy and happiness.

Christmas is fascinating! Come and explore the fabulous range at city’super – from Christmas hampers to specially designed ornaments to make your Christmas extra-special.

Dear Customer,

Christmas is a time for love and sharing, a festival full of joy and happiness. Our theme this year is “Christmas Celebration” and we want to bring back the wonder of the festive season with a fabulous range of hampers and our new “Party Guide for Christmas”, which offers quick solutions for all your party preparations

At city’super, we have had lots to share this year. In May, we opened our third overseas city’super store in “TienMu” in Taipei and introduced our first superlife culture club in the city. Another remarkable milestone was the LOG-ON business expansion in apm in May.

Customers who visited our ifc mall store in October would have noticed a big change. We completely renovated our ifc mall store to provide our customers with an even better shopping experience. We created a new look at the entrance area with a warm and modern design. The ultimate objective was to deliver 5-star service within a food specialty store. We hope you like it.

All of us at city’super wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year. With the warmest greeting, we thank you for your support throughout the year and look forward to serving you in 2010.

With very best wishes on behalf of everyone at city’super!


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原文+感想

Christmas is an opportunity for love and sharing, a festival full of joy and happiness. (如果我無記錯,呢句係fragment)

Christmas is fascinating! (How fascinating?) Come and explore the fabulous range (fascinating Christmas with a fabulous range…what’s next? Fantastic selection of fanciful goods?) at city’super – from Christmas hampers to specially designed ornaments to make your Christmas extra-special (0.03mm extra-fit kind of special?).

上文並非”personal letter”一部份,唔知頭唔知路,其實幾odd。

Dear Customer, (通常收舖拉閘,地鐵廣播才會這樣講)

Christmas is a time for love and sharing (又講,唔悶咩), a festival full of joy and happiness. (敷衍你兩句,之後就講自己幾把炮, me me me)Our theme this year is “Christmas Celebration” and we want to bring back the wonder of the festive season (bring back? The wonder of festive season is lost? Why I wasn’t told?) with a fabulous range (fabulous x2 = fafabubulloouss!) of hampers and our new “Party Guide for Christmas”, which offers quick solutions for all your party preparations (why would I need quick solutions for all my party preparations? I thought I should be enjoying the preparations…or shouldn’t I?)

At city’super, we have had lots to share this year. In May, (在五月,我們開了新分店…BabelFish translation?) we opened our third overseas city’super store in “TienMu” in Taipei and introduced our first superlife culture club in the city. Another remarkable milestone was the LOG-ON business expansion in apm in May (I know, I know, you did an extra-fabulous job in May so fabulous you need to mention it twice).

Customers who visited our ifc mall store in October would have noticed a big change. (官式到不行, all illegal immigrants crossing the border will be prosecuted and executed) We completely renovated our ifc mall store to provide our customers (that may or may not be you) with an even better shopping experience. We created a new look at the entrance area with a warm and modern design (cool, why stopped at the door, what happened to the interior?). The ultimate objective was to deliver 5-star service within a food specialty store (Soldiers! Do you understand the ultimate objective? Sir yes sir!). We hope you like it.

All of us at city’super wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year. With the warmest greeting, we thank you for your support throughout the year and look forward to serving you in 2010.

With very best wishes on behalf of everyone at city’super!

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小弟是過來人,大概明白製作一本catalogue的環境及條件,所以並不想指責任何人,姑且說這是「社會的錯」好了。

每年仍見到有這本小冊子,証明這是可行的東西。同樣可推斷,顧客們沒有被小冊子的設計打擊購買慾,依然掏鈔。

What is working doesn't mean it is good. 一家手打魚蛋店,開始時魚蛋質量很好,出名了,包租公加租了,於是店子在魚蛋內摻粉加味精,轉用廉價機器打肉,依然有大群食不知味的客,慕名幫襯讚好。但店子賣的,客觀定義已不是好魚蛋。

世上大多數店子,固然想最少付出獲得最多利潤。亦有另一種店子,幾近乎不惜工本提供最優質服務。二者各有生存空間,很難講某一種就是皇道。

雖然City Super標榜是生活享受,可是翻看這本小冊子半點樂趣也沒有。我不知道誰會付數百以至三萬銀去郵購city super禮品籃,但我頗肯定他們大概沒空理會Managing Director寫了篇狗屁不通的forward,也不會介意圖中的美食像豬餿般堆在一起,更加不會care買三萬元的美酒佳餚跟party有甚麼關係,總之一個願打一個願挨, S&M.

下回再談內文

9 則留言:

篤篤篤撐 說...

你講小冊子, 我就想起青年中心的小冊子, 又係o甘醜樣 (當然水平差幾十班)

我前日在新office同負責宣傳既同事講:
究竟你係想話比人聽你擺左好多野入本書仔到, or你真係想讀者睇到某d message 呢 ?

忍唔住, 將我十幾年前以前做過既野塞俾佢睇 !
(唉, 十幾年前既野都做得好過e+, 我呢行, 冇得救了)

匿名 說...

>每年仍見到有這本小冊子,証明這是可行的東西。同樣可推斷,顧客們沒有被小冊子的設計打擊購買慾,依然掏鈔。

假設sales figure與設計優劣無correlation,點解citysuper唔換過個設計,咪當做下善事。

其實有朵既公司,先最有資格和空間做好設計。

GEM

黑人 說...

> 篤撐

係呀,好多野其實都越做越差
差不在技術,係做的人只求交差,無心做好件事,當然家家有本難唸的經。
小弟都係在有限的空間內盡力做好,求個心安就算了

> GEM

睇個managing director既"personal letter",第一可以知道佢唔係太有personality,換言之佢自己都不是佢間store 代表緊的人。好難強求佢會放手搞甚麼特別野

假如佢活得開心有品味,精神有涵養,佢寫的文字會顯露出來。

小瓶子 說...

先破后立, 如能将原文改写以作示范更佳.

C.M. 說...

果史做project咁岩就係做city'super,同佢MD傾左個零鐘頭計,personality呢...

唔...相對conservative,穩守突擊果隻,但有料,心思細密,比較專注new business development。但我睇落份野,未必係佢寫,佢可能連睇都未睇過。

之又,我好想聽你講多d city'super。

黑人 說...

> 小瓶

有空才試啦,寫呢d文字都要時間技巧的,我本身又不是寫字人

> CM
你舊屎傾果個MD,係咪同一個人?
假如佢係有料之人

我都認為佢應該無點樣過目,可能係佢個sec 既sec 代筆

查實我都係搵一些外國reference黎對比下,但要影好多相,等下啦

C.M. 說...

goo過,應該仲係佢:T. Woo

匿名 說...

"Christmas is an opportunity for love and sharing, a festival full of joy and happiness."

It's not a fragment.

D

黑人 說...

>D

just checked, you are right, it is not a fragment, but the sentence is weird to me anyways.